Social Integration, the Joy of Trains, University Numbness and Self-related Blathering

Had another London weekend, it went well. I can feel myself slowly becoming one with the place, there are hints to this.

First of all I can use/autopilot around the night buses while totally drunk. I think I did well here. I had used the night buses the night before too, this time sober, and I’m so pleased they lived up to everything I had heard.
I had a chat with a Spanish lady with an eye patch, got some help from a middle aged lady with pink hair and pondered what could be in the box labelled ‘Do Not Touch’ that a weird guy was carrying. It was like being back home, however up here this happens at all times!

I assisted a man and his daughter confused and lost on the underground too, I’m so nice. I do have to say though London Bridge station still confuses the shit out of me! Just how many exits does it have!? It’s like Howl’s Moving Station! I think it will always remain a rabbit warren of confusion to me no matter how much I go!

Coming home on the train was fun though, I got to sit on the floor all the way back from London, woot! ¬_¬ The thing that annoys me the most is the stupidly over the top number of First Class carriages that Virgin seem to think necessary for every train. They really aren’t, and are very rarely half filled with people. Ragh.

I should really be writing a lab report right now you know, but I’m not….why? I have no idea. I used to be really good at writing my uni work, I even used to get panic attacks over it not being finish on time. Now, I feel very little towards it, my heart has really gone out of it and I don’t know why. I want to be there and I want to do the work, but I just can’t engage with it anymore. It’s really hard to explain, as I don’t really understand it myself. Uni does have a bit of a groundhog day feeling about it for me though. I’ve been at uni on and off since 2003 and I’m currently doing first year classes. I just feel I’m treading water with my life, like no matter what I do it will go wrong again and I will have to start again….again. Which I know is a daft self-fulling prophesy type way of looking at things, but this is the best thoughts on the issue I have atm.

I’m still displeased with myself atm too. I feel so horribly unattractive, dull and generally undesirable and unwanted. I’m so unhappy with myself and much of my life and I don’t know what to do to change this. But I do want to. A friend has suggested making a few small changes, rather than anything drastic and I think this could be something to think about. But where do you start when you hate it all?